PEREGRIN: THE POLITICALLY-INCORRECT POTATO.

VOTE SPUD!

Peregrin, the politically-incorrect potato, intends to sieze power by force in the United Kingdom, Ireland, and Yemen. The spud needs YOUR support to do it. Below, Peregrin outlines the controversial policies which he believes will revolutionise the political establishment. If you're not offended, you're not reading it right.

THE POLICIES.

CRIME

1. Give muggers knighthoods and lock up war veterans;
2. Give gang-bosses the respec' they deserve;
3. Scrap the police and install a 'biggest gun wins' rule;
4. Replace football with Hooliganism as our national sport;
5. Finders keepers, losers get tortured.
6. On May-Day, wait for the anarchist crusty protestors to assemble
in London, then wipe em out using blanket bombing and napalm, as used in Vietnam.

ECONOMY

1. No jobs for ginger tossers;
2. Women must wear mini-skirts and wonderbras at work,
or stay at home at wash the dishes;
3. No benefits for 'disabled' dossers;
4. Make children work in paper mines, and beat them
when they fail to find any paper;
5. Force degree-educated people to clean toilets until
they forget all the shit they've learned.

FOREIGN POLICIES

1. Fund Saddam Hussien's chemical weapons program
using money from the dog-killing industry;
2. Ditch the USA and Frogland as allies and forge closer links with Cambodia;
3. Put Africa out of its misery using nukes;

IMMIGRATION

1. Make the port of Dover a shark colony and torpedo
immigrant boats as they enter the area;
2. The rest of the world revolves around Britain,
which is at the centre of the Universe;
3. Demolish the Severn Bridge and leave the Welsh to their own devices;
4. Anyone who's Muslim is automatically in Al Qu'ida.

VOTE SPUD! VOTE SPUD! VOTE SPUD!

WARNING: The preceding policies were extreme, and if easily offended you should not have read them. You have been warned too late...

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